Health Care Proposal
If you are like me, I have come up with a proposed addition to our health care system and its protocols that you will be delighted with and will work to make a reality. Now when I say, ‘like me” first ask yourself: when you left the hospital with your new baby did security stop you and say, ‘excuse me ma’am you forgot this’ (this being ten yards of extra hanging flesh)? Or, are you able to make a replica of an old man’s butt cheeks with your lower abdomen? If so, you are going to love this—a plastic surgery authorization card. Let me explain.
I need to have a tummy tuck. Now, need is subjective. Not need to the degree some people need a liver transplant, but definitely need more than some people need to stop smoking. But, I also am a little apprehensive about undergoing a big surgical procedure. But then I realized I might someday need emergency surgery- yay! Emergency surgery! That’s my big chance- I mean it could happen. People get stabbed in the gut all the time right? So, I say to my husband “If I’m unconscious and being rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery (fingers crossed) please tell them to give me a tummy tuck while I’m under anyway.” He pointed out that the medical professionals might not take him seriously if he makes that request so I shouldn’t get my hopes up. Outside observers might take a moment to note that he did not say “Good God. If you are in emergency surgery the last thing on my mind is a tummy tuck.” I might remind some observers that I did say “need” not “want” in regards to this procedure. Thus was my Eureka moment. People carry organ donor cards for that very reason- to assure that the medical professionals honor your wishes. So, I propose a plastic surgery card or even symbol on your driver’s license. It will authorize the use of all corrective and enhancement procedures that maybe some of us are hesitant to undergo electively, but “hey- if you’re in there anyway….” I would just hate to see my perfectly gut stabbing go to waste. So write your Congressional Representatives ladies as this idea has legs—legs with cellulite to spare.